Some things are within our power and some things are not.  The more we can focus on those things within our control and less on those things outside of our control, the more peace of mind we will win for ourselves.

Simple, but not easy.

The wisdom above has made itself crystal clear to me over the last few years as I’ve introspected.  When I look into my anxiety, my insecurity, my fear, my pain - it always comes down to a mismatch between my expectations for how the world should be and how it really is.  That gap breeds the disappointment that can cripple us.  There are lots of things that we cannot predict, change, or affect - no matter how badly we want to.

This is why we have to change our focus.

The internal locus of control is not a new idea, by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, you see it’s foundations in the great philosophers of the ancient world.  I came across it through my study of Stoicism, but you can find it all over the place.  Not only that, but it’s entirely uncontroversial - it makes perfect sense to anyone who has spent a bit of time with their own thoughts.

So why is it so difficult to do?  

Why are we still struggling with it two millennia after it was first recorded?

We attach ourselves to things.

Every day we are playing status games.  As we fight to climb the hierarchy of modern life we measure our progress through the things that we own.  We believe that by upgrading our possessions we signal to other people that we are successful, sophisticated and worthy of respect.  Our decision making is often driven by a need for social approval, rather than the genuine need of the thing.  We delude ourselves into thinking that these objects will win us respect, love and admiration.

We think we can control what others will think of us.

It’s not possible.  No matter what you do, you cannot control how other people will perceive you because they simply don’t think about you as much as you think they do.  They are too busy playing their own status games.

The things we attach ourselves to weigh us down because of our judgments about those things and what they say about us matter, not the actual things themselves.   They exact an emotional (and financial) toll on us that is completely moot - because it doesn’t win us respect anyway.  If we can let go of the need to control what others think of us, we can free ourselves from the anxiety of keeping up with the Jones’es.  

We can win back peace of mind.

“It is better to die of hunger, but free from distress and fear, than to live in plenty with a troubled mind.” - Epictetus

We believe that our circumstances dictate our happiness

It’s alluring to look at our lives and to blame our circumstances for how we feel.  We have plenty of evidence to give us justification for our self-pity.  The heartbreaks, retrenchments, scams, accidents, injustices, curveballs, pandemics, all of it - these circumstances make us anxious, unhappy, scared, apathetic.  At least, that’s what we tell ourselves.

That’s not true.  It’s a story we tell ourselves. It’s an escape from responsibility.

Happiness is up to all of us and we can move toward it regardless of circumstance if we are willing to do the work.  Our circumstances are not within our control and therefore it does us no good to concern ourselves with them.  That is a waste of effort.

Instead, we have to learn to do the arduous work of self-reflection to surrender those circumstances and instead focus solely on what we can affect.  When we do that, we can choose to be happy - because it is within our control.

We can rid our lives of distressing lamentations about the hand that we’ve been dealt and instead find serenity and meaning in those emotions that we can will in ourselves.

We can write our own redemption story.

“He who is discontented with what he has, and with what has been granted to him by fortune, is one who is ignorant of the art of living, but he who bears that in a noble spirit, and makes reasonable use of all that comes from it, deserves to be regarded as a good man.” - Epictetus

We don’t take care of our minds.

We all understand what is necessary to keep our bodies healthy.  We know the benefits of a healthy diet, regular exercise and industrialised medicine.  We can see tangible changes when we don’t take care of our bodies and therefore we tend to take physical upkeep quite seriously.

We simply don’t do the same with our minds.

“Most of us fear the deadening of the body and would resort to every means to avoid falling into such a state, but when it comes to the deadening of the soul, we’re not in the least concerned.” - Epictetus

The mind is what really matters.  Our internal dialogues dictate how we experience the world - yet we spend very little time and effort on improving that which creates those dialogues.

Meditation, introspection and cognitive behavioural therapy are examples of tools that have become more mainstream over the last few years - yet they are not taken nearly seriously enough by most of us.

Yet, if we were able to rid ourselves of our mental aggravations, we would win peace of mind, fearlessness and freedom. We can go to a gym for our mind and will be better for it - for that’s what we control. 

Remember, we are little souls, carrying corpses around.

We are impatient and give up too easily

Nothing of substance comes without toil and yet our penchant for instant gratification robs us of that truth.  We expect things to happen immediately and are then disappointed because those short-term things don’t bring us long term fulfillment.

When we do accept that a long journey is required, we are often stymied by obstacles that seem insurmountable along the path.  When things get difficult we default back to the path of least resistance instead of seeing that obstacle as an opportunity to break onto a new level.

When we have built, in ourselves, the faculties of courage, endurance and an internal locus of control that allows us to bear anything that life throws at us, what use is all of that if circumstances and opportunities don’t arise that give us the chance to use them?

“Great is the struggle, and divine the enterprise, to win a kingdom, to win freedom, to win happiness, to win peace of mind.” - Epictetus

The obstacle is the way.

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The underlying idea we started with rings true through all of these examples.  By focusing only on what we control and surrendering that which we can’t - we can transcend the happenings of circumstance and find true peace of mind. It is the path towards sustainable happiness and contentment.

But again, you knew all this already.  The knowledge is easy.  The action is hard.

Studying philosophy is not just about interpreting text or logical reasoning.  It’s about learning to give an overall shape to your life, using your understanding to inform your actions, attitudes and relationships. 

It doesn’t happen overnight.  It is a lifelong journey of discovery.

“As one person rejoices in improving his land, and another his horse, so I rejoice day by day in observing that I myself am becoming better.” - Socrates.

None of these ideas are mine.  They have been inspired by my reading of the ancient Stoic philosophers (most recently Epictetus’s Discourses) as well as contemporary authors such as Ryan Holiday who have done an excellent job in repackaging the ideas for modern times.

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