Things did not go my way last week. To say the least.
I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to write up all that's gone awry recently, because I really don't want to be one of those bloggers that only writes when things are going splendidly and thus paints a unrealistic, uber-rosy picture of my life. I don't want my blog to be an image crafted by the good times and what I want other people to think about me. But rather, I want this to be a ruthlessly honest place to express what I feel, think and believe.
But in lieu of all of that, I'm not going to explain the things that went wrong. Yes, I note the contradiction.
It is really tough to write about your failures, and I think that's one of the reasons that so few actually do. Expressing in words every time you fall along the way, is something much easier said than done. If you look at anyone that you admire, it is probably seems that everything they touch seems to turn to gold. However, this is simply a spotlight - a strong bias against failures, which leads to you only hearing from them when that person has succeeded. And it's difficult to blame them for that.
Now the most obvious reason that people don't write about their failures is because they don't want to appear weak, it's an ego thing. And I get that. But another, arguably more significant reason in my mind, is that it is excruciatingly difficult to write about a failure without sub-consciously falling into the trap of providing excuses and justifications to show why things didn't go your way. Our world is one that demands concrete answers and reasons for why things happen. There is a seemingly unwritten rule that we all ascribe to, saying that we must evaluate the results and come up with a logical, casual link between the actions and the result. In this vein, it is easy to make up justifications to satisfy this need, as well as stroking our own ego once more - providing closure in our own mind.
But I want to clear away from those excuses. Those justifications.
So I won't be telling you about what went wrong, as I don't want your pity. I have been sitting here for over an hour trying to express myself and I just cannot. Even as a I think about it - all that comes to mind are excuses and justifications. No matter how hard I try, I can't help blaming others, or blaming my circumstances or coming up with elaborate stories about why it went against me. I simply can't post these.
I'm not going to bend the truth and try to come up with reasons why it happened - I need to make a stand.
That's just how it went. What happened, happened.
But, I will be back with a vengeance. I will get up once more.
Do you ever feel the same way? I would love to hear what you think.